Shift Keys, Tests, and Broken Laptops

Hey, hey!

The past few days have been more head-banging than recovering from a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster.

Gather ’round, children. For I must recall a tale of love, loss, and lunch recess. Put on your best Stamper voice for this one.

Once upon a time, there was a wonderful world, filled to the brim of its pants with happiness and PB&J Uncrustables. This land was filled with wonderful children, who laughed and played day and night. My, what a lovely gang! Look at all those youngins! The only worry they ever had was their annual state-issued standardized test. But that thing was easy! Even a fickle baby could ace it. Which they sorta were! So that’s good and cool.

But all that changed one day when the fire nation attacked.

Suddenly, those adorable youngsters were huge gross teenagers! It was all horrible and weird and a bunch of not-so-happy things! Everyone was all awkward and socially inept and stuff! And the worst part about it was the life-changing exams! Even the optional ones! Like the PSAT.

Which brings us to our present state of affairs. The PSATs were yesterday. Normally, I’m totally cool with tests. Once I memorize the material, they’re pretty basic. But the PSAT is a whole different ball park. It’s like a bully and a philosopher had a baby, which had a deformity that caused him to be a stress-inducing standardized test! That’s a baby shower that this Kat won’t be attending. Sorry, Aristotle.

The thing that makes this test so excruciatingly painful is the fact that its all for practice. The exam is just preparing all of us for the SAT, which all of the seniors say is even more difficult. The questions (especially in the math section) require knowledge of things that I was taught in eighth grade Pre-Algebra. How can they expect me to remember that? I could barely remember to wear deodorant!

Did you know that PSATs were the leading cause of depression on October 11th? It’s true! Maybe. I feet like a sheep being herded into the gym. Students were practically bottlenecking their way into the room. If rubbing shoulders could transmit diseases, I’d be down for the count for at least a week. They sat me down at a bland table in a rough plastic chair. I looked around to see around 600 other kids who looked just about as exhausted and braindead as I was. You could practically smell the will to live floating away.

Alright, it wasn’t that bad, but my stomach started making noises about 30 minutes into it.

PSATs aside, life has been pretty inconvenient recently. My laptop, a 2016 ASUS ROG, died the other night. I was in the middle of a good ol’ fashioned hard reset when my CPU decided to get wasted and jump off into the deep end. Every time I boot up my pride and joy, the whole dealie freezes on the desktop. Thanks, CPU. You’re amazing. (I’m guessing it’s the CPU. Like, what else would cause the entire thing to freeze? Even HDMI cuts off when it happens. Now I have to use a hecking MacBook and whatever Windows 7 Professional Edition jalopy I can get at school. At least the Mac’s keys are fun to type with! They’re all glossy and fun.) So yeah. I’m saving my cash to build a PC, which I need now more than ever. I gotta get back to playing this year’s haul from the Steam Summer Sale!

The last, and possibly most irksome, thing about the past few days is also attributed to technology. Before my laptop kicked the bucket, the shift key’s back support bent out of place. That meant that, whenever I wanted to capitalize a letter or sprint in PUBG (which is nothing short of a necessity), my shift key would do an acrobatic pirouette off the handle. 

Yeah. That sent me off the edge.

What a week. I hope you guys have been enjoying yours. Here’s to Friday!

Love, ShurikenKat. Still less clingy than Sticky Keys.


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